you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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