Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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