it wasn't lemon gatorade
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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