dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
