Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
