Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
