yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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