Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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