I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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