She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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