So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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