You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
