He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
