Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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