i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
where are my eyebrows?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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