are you still at the devil's house?
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
