I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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