Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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