then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
