I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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