what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize