Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
