In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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