White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
