woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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