gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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