dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
