As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
