OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
