the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
