if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
