literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
