I cannot find my penis.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
