Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
