And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
