They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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