just come out here and I will go home with you...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I want to be your penis for a week.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
