I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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