So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
