We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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