her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
