you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize