Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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