Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
