I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
