Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
