There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think my nap took me to another dimension
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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