Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
