You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
