The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
