I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
