she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
