the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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