why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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