garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
