so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
