I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
