So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
