Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
