so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
