Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
