what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How drunk are you?
Completed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
