I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
