He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
