I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You were trust falling into bushes
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
