He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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