um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
my poor anus
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
