My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
