somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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