Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
