i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
