I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize