hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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