thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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