Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
