But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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