On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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