just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
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