We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
