This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
