Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
