Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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