epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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