My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
