dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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