just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize