I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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